Writing as catharsis

I don't blog much anymore, primarily because I write and edit for a living (not that I've ever blogged wtih any regularity). Sometimes the last thing I want to do is write something coherent when I'm here at home.

But after an especially stressful beginning to my week (today was fine, thankfully), I've come to realize just how cathartic writing is for me.

I learned something Monday afternoon that really took me by surprise -- the sort of thing that makes you think about what you really believe. I couldn't get it off my mind.

I'm quite thankful for the flexibility of my job schedule. Yesterday I went to a coffee shop and just wrote. There's just something about the actualizing of my thoughts via pen and paper that helps me get centered again.

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In other news: I think I'd like to start posting a new photo once a week. So here's the first one. I call it "beware the trees." I love the ominous feel it gives me. The trees look to me as if they might uproot themselves and do something destructive. I feel that the darkness of the sky belies the happy mood we were all in.


I took this photo the day after Christmas, 2006. In it you see my cousin Justin, and my soon to be cousin-in-law Becka. They're playing with rubberband-propelled foam rockets that Justin's mother gave all of us for Christmas.

It's becoming a tradition, I suppose, for us to get some sort of silly gift that we can all play with. Christmas 2005: marshmallow blowguns. Those were fun. Until I inadvertantly inhaled a marshmallow.

Christmas in America is How It's Supposed to Be

I really hate the commercialism of Christmas these days.

Maybe I'm noticing it more now that I haven't watched TV on a regular basis in the last year. Another contributing factor is that the radio station I primarily listen to is the local public radio station, which doesn't have commercials. I don't know.

I do know that the last time I did watch TV, I was kind of appalled at how corporate USA has co-opted the tradition of the three wise men (or however many there were) bringing gifts to Jesus.

Holy smokes, the wind is blowing so hard right now. We've been having a blizzard all day.

I know it's popular to bag on things—anything really—like I have just done. It's cool for people in my generation to be disgusted by things and let other people know about it. I almost don't like to talk about the commercialism of Christmas, for fear of people thinking that I'm doing it only because it's chic. But that's just coincidence.

And now I'm worried that my shoddily constructed apartment is going to blow over. Maybe the Big Bad Wolf is outside. He's going to have to light this place on fire to get me to leave, though. It's way cold outside.

Is this what I imagined?

I have a new pair of skis sitting in the corner of my bedroom. I've always wanted to own a pair of skis. For as long as I can remember. To own a pair of skis means you live close to the mountains. And there they are, leaning against the wall, the light reflecting off the goldish-orange bindings.

Is this what I imagined, when I was 10 years old, when all I could think of was the next time I'd be going to Colorado? When I memorized the mile marker on I-70 where you can finally see Pikes Peak? (It's mile 371, in case you're curious. Mile 376 on an extremely clear day. Don't bother to pay to climb the red painted tower along the Interstate there that claims you can see six states -- I'm pretty sure it's not true.)

Life is surreal. I own a pair of skis. I live in Colorado. I see Pikes Peak everyday. Life is good.

Sometimes surreal, like right now. But good.

Place in this world

On his album "God West Young Man," Michael W. Smitth recorded a song called "Place in This world." Here are the lyrics:

Verse 1
The wind is moving / but I am standing sitll / A life of pages / waiting to be filled / A heart that's hopeful / a head that's full of dreams / But this becoming / is harder than it seems / Feels like I'm...
Chorus
Looking for a reason / roaming through the night to find my place in this world / My place in this world / Not a lot to lean on / I need Your light to help me find my place in this world / My place in this world
Verse 2
If there are millions / down on their knees / Among the many / can you still hear me? / Hear me asking / "Where do I belong?" / Is there a vision / that I can call my own / Show me / I'm... [repeat chorus 2x]

Whenever I used to hear that song, it would stir within me an acute angst, a desire to figure out what I'm made to do with my life. But now, I don't feel that anymore. Not now, anyway.

Today I started my new job. I'm working for a Web site that ministers to college students. It's called TrueU.org. I'm the Assistant Editor. I'll be writing and editing content for the site, as well as figuring out how to promote the site on a shoestring budget.

The way that everything transpired to get me to this place is really amazing. I didn't even want to apply for the job, honestly. But my new co-worker, Denise, and my new director (both of whom interviewed me for the job) came to ME and asked ME to apply. I decided to apply, just to humor them. But even though I thought it would be incredibly too stressful, God completely changed my heart. And He got me the job.

The point I'm trying to make is that I feel so incredibly blessed. I knew, even prior to getting this job, that God had given me the ability to write. And now I'm very excited to get to employ that gift.

I don't know my place, exactly, just yet. But I feel like I know where I'm going. And I really like where I am right now.

-mj

Crucified With Christ

I know it's chic these days to bag on contemporary Christian music. It certainly is wrought with positivity, and sometimes that positivity comes across as incredibly trite. But it's that positivity that I especially like about the song that I have typed out below. It's called Crucified With Christ, by Phillips, Craig, and Dean.

Maybe I like the song because it conjures up for me thoughts of warm summer days when I was twelve years old and being much more carefree and naive and easily impressed by new things than I am now. But even when I lay those idyllic memories aside, I am still enraptured by this song. The melody is very compelling. But the words draw me, every time I listen to it, to the fact that I know that God wants me to pursue Him, and He is pursuing me.

I especially love two thoughts the song presents. The first is contained in the line, "When I finally reach the point of giving in / I found the cross was calling even then..." I've experienced some pretty dark moments in my life, but in those moments I realized that God - through the work Jesus Christ did on the cross - was calling out to me saying, "I'm still here, and I'm going get you out of this mess."

The second line I love comes from the last line of the second verse: "And by His resurrection power I am alive!" The truth of that line and how it has played out in my life gives me chills even now. I remember very vividly sitting in this olive green 30-year-old Lazyboy recliner that I'm sitting in now, asking God to make himself real to me. I understood with utter clarity that Jesus' existence is as real now as it was those 2000 years ago when He was physically, bodily on earth. And I realized then that because He is so real now that the very power that raised Him from the dead was the very power He was going to employ in my life to make me the man He wants me to be. And I can say that since that moment, God has been faithful to that promise. His resurrection power continues to make me more alive than I was - indeed, more alive than I could imagine that I would be now.

So, I encourage you to buy this song on iTunes. And below you will find the words. Is it sappy? Yeah. Impact? To an even greater degree than I have described here or ever could. Enjoy, and be blessed.

[verse 1]
When I look back at what I thought was livin'
I'm amazed at the price I chose to pay
And to think that I ignored what really mattered
'Cause I thought the sacrifice would be to great

When I finally reached point of giving in
I found the cross was calling even then
And even though it took dying to survive
I've never felt so much alive

[chorus]
For I am crucified with Christ, and yet I live.
Not I but Christ that lives within me
His cross will never ask for more than I can give
For it's not my strength but His
There's no greater sacrifice
For I've been crucified with Christ, and yet I live

[verse 2]
As I hear the Savior call for daily dying
I will bow beneath the weight of Calvary
Let my hands surrender to his piercing purpose
That holds me to the cross, yet sets me free

I will glory in the power of the cross
The things I thought were gain I count as loss
And with His sufferings I identify
And by His resurrection power I am alive

[repeat chorus]

[bridge]
And I will offer all I have so that His cross is not in vain
For I've found to live is Christ, and to die is truly gain

[repeat chorus 2x]